Thursday, May 7, 2009

Local Alligator is "Not that Innocent"


St. Augustine, Fla.: Entertainment star Brittney Spears was found this morning, prone and bleeding in front of the boy's dormitory on the Flagler College campus. St. Augustine Police Chief Bubba O'Conner told reporters in a press conference that the singer had been found by Flagler College Security Guard Hector Gonzalez on the ground at 5 A.M. near the bushes of Lewis Hall with bite wounds on her right foot. As he approached, Spears shouted "Oh my God! Oh my God! An alligator bit me!" It was then that Gonzalez noticed the tail of what is estimated to be a 9 foot long reptile disappear into the bushes. Gonzalez called 911 at 5:10 A.M. and waited near Spears for help to arrive.
When asked why Spears was visiting the campus, Chief O'Conner said "she had been visiting a male student." When pressed for the identity of the student, O'Conner simply replied that "you would have to contact Flagler [College] Administration for that information." Spears was aided by EMT's who arrived on the scene at 5:30 A.M., and was quickly released after being treated for puncture wounds and bruising. Meanwhile the hunt is on for the alligator, which could not be found by Animal Control officials who arrived on the scene around 6 A.M. The Alligator Farm Zoological Park reported one of their animals missing that matched the description of the assailant, and at this time it is unknown whether Spears will seek legal action against the park.

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